Once you’re in this position. You can’t get out of it.
I’m welcoming you some warm greetings and a smile, welcome to my blog! The name’s Shanen and I share my daily experiences as a young 16-year old teenager. Basically, I think of this as my daily diary and spread out my most sincerest words, thoughts and experiences which I’ve been through in so many matters.
Currently, I’m a Senior High School student, an eleventh grader who’s grade conscious and too competitive and serious when it comes to academics. The reason why I do not join in sports is because of what’s limiting me – my left arm injury. If I will be given a chance to join, I’d probably pick volleyball, badminton or table tennis. But of course, I won’t be risking my left arm once again. It’s my second life.
Disclaimer: This part is already in Tagalog-English Phrases, Paragraphs and Sentences. Hopefully, Google may work on the translations. BUT NOT ALL IT TRANSLATES ARE ON THE RIGHT TERMS. So, I’ll be sincerely saying sorry in advance if you misunderstood some parts.
Kapag matalino ka ang daming expectations saiyo. Mahirap diba? Dagdagan pa natin ng pressure. I wanted to share my life:
I’m Shanen. Born on May 01 2001, yes Labor day in the Philippines. The first daughter of our family and the first grand daughter of the whole. Two birds in one stone, ika nga. Nakasalalay saakin ang magandang generation ng buong clan namin. Wala naman kasing mahirap kung ipupursigi mo, pero iilan ito sa mga factors na nakapapanindig balahibo saakin.
“Nak, maging doctor ka nalang. Para magkaroon tayo ng MD sa family natin. At least, yayaman ka pa at hindi ka naman mawawalan ng trabaho. Nasaiyo na lahat.”
“Nak, maging ECE ka nalang in demand ngayon sa ibang bansa. Mas malaki pa isusweldo mo kung yun yung kurso na i-tetake mo.”
Personally, pinalaki ako na hindi tinutok sa Science and Math. I grew up wherein mom enrolled me in some workshops which includes voice lesson and violin lesson. Ang layo ng deperensya maging doktor o engineer diba? Sa family naman namin on my mother’s side most of them are marine engineers and OFWs. On my father’s side, marine engineer, an online English teacher, a house seller, and a goverment worker. Asan ang doctor at ECE doon?! Sa generation ng aming pamilya, there’s no such thing for me to become a doctor because the most important factor is yung influence at pagpapalaki saiyo at yung mga naging kasanayan mo to become a doctor or ECE sana. Eh pero wala eh, I only gain knowledge and wisdom from performing arts and visual arts. Basically they’re my forte.
Why am I reasoning?
It is because I do not want to take a course or work na hindi ko naman i-eenjoy at the same time magsasayang lang ng oras at effort. Both worthless and pointless. Ngayong SHS student na ako, time by time I think so deeply about my choices and decisions and I tried to analyze my growth during my years of existence. Start tayo from scratch.
Growing up my mother taught me the most basic good manners and right conducts. My father taught me to think holistically and to be spiritually matured. Nung grade school naman ako hindi ako ganun katalinuhan. Pero masipag ako mag-aral. Slow learner kasi ako and I want everything na ituro saakin na manu-mano. Lalong-lalo na sa five major subjects: Science, Math, Filipino, History and English. I am not saying this to brag but to share as a comparison and experience from my heart to yours: I rank as 5th honor during my 1st grade up until 5th grade. From all the awards I got, I rank as a champion in art-related competitions. Specifically, Poem writing contest, Declamation contest, Story-telling contest, Slogan and Poster making contest, Pagsulat ng sanaysay at Story-making contest and walang isa ni kapirangot na pang academics like quiz bees. Now compare me to become a doctor or ECE? Ang layo diba.
Pero I tried to win and work hard para lang maka place sa iilang quiz bee competitions na napasukan ko, oo naging contestant pero boom wala talaga kahit bronze man lang. Doon pa lang my mom’s trying to compare me with the other kids in school. “Bakit si ganito kaya niya?”, “Ang bobo mo naman kasi wala kang sipag mag-aral”, “Kulang ka lang sa pasensya at pagrereview”, “Gamitin mo kokote mo”. Ang unfair ano? Pero when it comes to writing contest and art contest: “Sus, madali lang iyan! Kaya yan’ ni ganito, eh kung sa quiz bee?” take note. Masamang sumagot sa magulang. 🙂
This is the reason why I started to create this post. Because these are the words that I can’t say to my parents. These are the words na for sure papagalitan lang ako ng mama “Sumasagot ka nanaman Shanen?” this is not to embarrass my mom. Pero it’s the stereotypical Filipina moms talaga and everyone can relate in my situation.
Nung grade six naman ako I started to achieve more, I was so drowned sa pagsesermon ni mama and I graduated na 1st honorable mention, 4th honor sa klase. Malaking bagay na rin saakin iyon, it means pinaghirapan ko at may ginawa akong kabuti-buti. My ultimate goal is not to rank as the highest or even to become an honor student. Basta’t may sipag lang akong mag-aral at may matutunan, okay na saakin iyon. They say na go beyond your limits diba? But it requires risking your life to attain that goal and ang daming obstacle na dapat mong mapagdaanan, besides sa pag-aaral ng mabuti kailangan mo maging consistent. Once na andun ka na, ang daming magbabago saiyo even your discipline, habits and traits.
Reflecting on my life, natutuwa si mama whenever I’m on the honor roll and nadidisapppoint kapag wala. But on my sisters, wala sila sa honor roll ever since they’re in grade school pero they were not scolded and getting so pressured. Ang hayahay ng buhay nila ang nakaka tempt nga talaga to become like them. Still, pressure comes in: “Unang panganay and Unang apo ka Shanen, you have to do it for the family.. kahit hindi na for yourself” I tell myself. Siguro, eto nalang destiny ko ano? And once na andito na ako, and na-aattain ko naman papakawalan ko pa ba?
During my high school years, I got so fond of doing research like investigatory projects and thesis works. Isama na rin nating ang forte ko sa visual arts including filmmaking, photography and editing. This is where I gain knowledge from Science, Technology and Arts. Still, wala pa rin akong idea kung anong course ang i-tetake ko sa college. I prayed and did my responsibility as a student, a daughter and a grand daughter. Unti-unti, habang nag tatrabaho ako and nag-aaral ako ng mabuti may mga iilang hints and kutob ako kung anong dapat kong itake na course, pero currently all of them weren’t enough. Pero, time goes by lahat ng subjects nakakayanan ko naman during those years up until now kasi lahat ay pinaglalaanan ko ng oras at pasensya para i-review at ipasa because being an honor student is seen by grades and character. Kung wala kang maayos na behavior ano pa pagiging matalino mo? So I firmly believe na lahat ng nasa honor ay may good character traits:
Ang totoong matalino ay may right wisdom at takot sa Panginoon. Kapag may takot sa magulang at marunong sumunod, then.. sumusunod ka na rin sa Panginoon. Bonus points na ang pagiging masipag, masigasig, willing, may initiative, knows where to rightfully stay in place even no one else see you. Mas bonus pa kapag pinanganak kang maganda o gwapo tas matalino.
I really see myself as a medical technologist, architecture or to belong in visual arts class. I love Science. Yes, kaya ko naman ang mag problem solving and maghanap ng atomic mass and hanapin ang bonds ng bawat chemicals. Pero it is still not my forte. I can do Math lalo na kapag pinursigi kong intindihin lahat but still I do it out of learning and I’m just shookt kung paano ko sila nakakayanan i-solve most specially derivatives, statistics and probabilities. Minsan siguro sa sobrang grade conscious ko, pinapahalagahan ko talaga na lahat ng puntos ko ay mataas. Oo, natututo naman ako pero wala pa rin sa puso ko na dito talaga ako nag-eenjoy. I do it for the sake of my grades and what my parents had sacrificed for me. Takot kase ako – masaktan ulit ang mama ko. But is this what I really love to do? Or napipilitan lang ako gawin because of what others want me to become? Hays ang lalim ko magisip ano? Baka naman mapunta ako sa philosophy at maging Mohandas Gandhi. Jusko po.
Throughout my life existence, I realized that I’m just fooling myself. Hindi nababase ang real success sa pagiging stellar student. Ito ay nasa wisdom and self-discipline na nagain ko. Masipag lang akong estudyante and that’s what makes me to become an honor student. Hindi man ako ganun ka galing sa logical-mathematical intelligence may iba naman akong forte like linguistic intellgience, inter and intra personal intelligence and musical intelligence. Lahat tayo ay may multiple intelligence ayon kay Howard Gardner and this is to proof na walang BOBO. From my heart: Learning is art. Learning is momentous. Learning is wisdom. Importante ang may natututunan. Including na rin lahat ng minor offenses ko at community service ko. There, I also gain wisdom. We gain wisdom in different ways right? Pero depende kung paano ka maging “appreciative” and “how positive you visualize and think kahit sa panahon ng kasagsagan ng kalungkutan at paghihirap” Yes, hindi biro o nakakatuwa at nakaka down-grade sa dignidad ang pag tetake ng community service. Pero on my heart and side I have to do it kasi pinaghirapan ko maging late and it’s a punishment and a lesson, and I gain wisdom and story from it. I believe that when you experience something you learn wisdom from it. Being stagnant has nothing to do with your life. Let’s add and mix some spice and make it colorful. In the end, WE or TAYO ang nagpipinta o nagbubuild sa future and dreams natin.. behind this small pieces of experiences and challenges doon natin nakikita kung ano at saan tayo destined at pinuwesto ni Lord.
As an individual, madami akong flaws. Pero it is how I conquer and overcome those weaknesses. As an honor student or stellar student ang daming risks to take. From my relationships sa family, friends, partners and others. From my discipline, character and traits. From my priorities, work and time management. From my spiritual life and relationship with God. From my dreams, goals, ambitions, wants, needs and success. Ang dami-dami kong naiisip. Pero I don’t know where to start. Including my course to take.
From all these following years, what I am lacking are self-reflection and self-management. Sa sobrang gulo ko mag-isip pati itong article na ‘to wala na sa formation. So being a stellar student has so many risks to take place. Lahat pwede maging honor student lahat pwede maging part ng honor roll. Ang honor list ay acknowledgement sa mga individuals na nagsipag ng dahil sa mabuting grades at maayos na pang-uugali, that’s why they all pass or considered or deserved to be on top. Kung lahat tayo nasa honor roll sinasabe nila na hindi na balance ang diversity nation naten. This world is diverse and lahat iba-iba ng taste. Some may want na kahit wala sila sa honor roll basta madiskarte naman sila sa buhay, some may want na maging honor kase cool or it’s really out of their ambition to get acknowledge and be part of it. Ako naman I am part wherein I can just learn and masigasig matuto and siguro being part of the honor roll was a pleasure recognition for me pero it’s not really my ambition to be part of it. It’s more like a bonus point nalang.
May mga magulang kase na proud na sa anak nila kahit by little things and they believe sa kakayahan ng mga anak nila. Kung hangang dun lang talaga they respect them and as parents they support them sa needs and wants nila. On the other hand, my mom is really stretching me out of my comfort zone. She doesn’t want me to become a chef like her or a hotel manager. She’s downgrading herself. But that’s insane. I hate her kapag ikinahihiya niya ang natapos niya and she’s taking pressure on us na mag-aral kami ng mabuti for us NOT to become like her.
Behind that I really do salute her, because she’s an amazing mother. A legit supporter na effective talaga. She’s a great cook! That’s why malulusog kami. Without her delicious dishes, we may not have this active function of a healthy brain and great health system. Madiskarte siya sa buhay that’s why hindi kami naghihirap. I wanted her to notice that and sana ipagmalaki niya sa sarili niya iyon. I think yun ang namana ko sakanya and dahil ako ang bunga mas masipag pa kesa sakanya pero mas late pa kesa sakanya. Hehe.
Pero no joke, being super duper late and dahil may namana ako sakanyang ganon nadidisappoint din ako sa sarili ko. Kahit ilang beses ko gustong baguhin ang pagiging late ko and to become punctual man lang. Pero let me defend myself, creative people are seen as late-comers (bare with me, I have respect in Arts) siguro nasa lahi namin ang matuto ng matuto. Lahat naman tayo ay magkakaiba. Diverse society tayo and it is all what makes us unique. That’s the beauty and creativity of life in the means of art.
For you who’s reading this and still or want to change your life to become a stellar student.. do not worry because you are already one.
Do not be pressured to become an honor student. You have to battle with yourself first. Start knowing kung anong flaws mo, kung anong character traits ang ayaw mo sa sarili mo. Pagsabihan mo sarili mo and kausapin mo. Hindi ka baliw, it is meant to take care of yourself and knowing yourself whole heartedly. Go talk to people and have an open forum kung ano bang mali saiyo because sometimes the opinions of other people help us to shape ourselves to become better. Masakit lang sa una parang unang buhos mo lang ng malamig na tubig, then little by little magbubunga ng mabuti. Then proceed in changing your lifestyle. Do not try to gain wisdom or knowledge and discipline. But DO it. Most especially kung ready ka na. There’s nothing wrong when you start from scratch. At least you’ve done it and didn’t REGRET any single thing. Next thing to come is SUCCESS and malay mo you can become an honor student, UNEXPECTEDLY. That’s my secret and you deserve to read this because you came across along the paragraphs I did. So, congratulations!
— end of Tagalog English Composition
Moreover, there’s more to share. Still, I may not know what course I possibly want to take. But being a stellar/honor student is just a bonus point for people like me who has the passion to study and at the same time willing to learn plus having the good character traits rather than being an absolute jerk. Everyone is brilliant on their own way and style. So seize the opportunity of you being genius and what matters is for you to grow and hopefully guided by the presence of our Lord. If you’re a non-believer I do pay respect, let’s be holistic thinkers because not all who are also successful are believers. It depends on how you strategize, create and build your life to become successful!
God bless and thank you for lending your most precious time!
Always remember, let all that you do be done with L O V E – 1 Corinthians 16:14 NKJV